Navigating Grief and Loss in Later Life

“Grief is just love with no place to go.” -Jamie Anderson

Navigating grief is a deeply personal journey, and for older adults, it can be particularly complex. Grief in later life is a testament to the deep connections we’ve forged, and it is a reminder of the enduring power of human relationships. Allowing ourselves to grieve openly, seek support, and find new ways to connect with the world around us are acts of strength and resilience.

What is Grief?

Grief is the natural emotional response to a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one or pet, the loss of a relationship, job, pregnancy, or a major life change. Many also experience anticipatory grief, grief in anticipation of a loss, as well as ambiguous loss, a type of loss that lacks clarity or resolution, often involving either physical or psychological absence of a loved one.

Grief is a necessary part of healing after a loss and it is unique, complex, nonlinear, and can impact any and all areas of one’s life and wellbeing. Though most people adjust to loss over time, for some, grief can persist resulting in complicated or prolonged grief. This is when grief symptoms disrupt one’s daily functioning for longer than 6-12 months and seeking professional support may be helpful.

Stages of Grief:

There are 5 commonly understood stages of grief outlined by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross (1969): denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While each of these stages is an important part of healing, people often cycle through these stages and experience them in varying orders.

Denial

This stage involves disbelief or refusal to accept the loss and can often manifest as avoidance, confusion, shock, and numbness.

Anger

As the reality of the loss sets in, anger may arise and present as frustration, irritation, and anxiety.

Bargaining

In this stage, individuals may try to make a deal or negotiate with a higher power in an attempt to undo the loss.

Depression

This stage often involves feelings of deep sadness, hopelessness, and overwhelm. It can be a time of emotional and physical fatigue and loss of interest in activities.

Acceptance

This stage includes acknowledging the reality of the loss and finding a way to move forward towards a new normal.

Impact of Grief Later in Life

Grief can have many different emotional, physiological, and psychological effects, and while grief is a universal human experience, older adults often face specific challenges.

Social Isolation

The loss of a close relationship can significantly alter daily routines and social contact and lead to increased loneliness, particularly if one’s mobility is limited. Activities once shared may now feel solitary, and the support systems that were once in place may need to be rebuilt or redefined which can lead to feelings of isolation.

Accumulated Loss

As we age, we often face an accumulation of loss since we are more likely to experience multiple losses within a short period of time, making it difficult to process each loss individually. For some, the passing of a loved one can also trigger a cascade of memories of previous losses, creating a sense of overwhelm from grief upon grief.

Physical Health Changes

Grief can exacerbate existing health conditions and even contribute to new ones. Fatigue, sleep disturbances, weakened immune system, digestive issues, and changes in appetite are common and can be particularly challenging when physical reserves are already depleted.

Cognitive Changes

Grief can sometimes cause “grief fog” leading to difficulties with memory, concentration, and decision making, which can be frustrating and add to feelings of disorientation.

Personal Sense of Mortality

Experiencing loss in later life can bring a heightened awareness of one’s own mortality and a deeper reflection on the meaning of life and the legacy left behind. The loss of someone significant can prompt existential questions and a feeling of vulnerability, which can be unsettling and anxiety-provoking for some.

Coping with Grief in Later Life

While the pain of loss is undeniable, there are some helpful tools to build resilience and navigate the nonlinear path towards healing.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and there’s no set timeline. Allow yourself to feel any emotions that arise. Suppressing these feelings can prolong the healing process.

Seek Social Connection

Combat isolation by reaching out to friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your feelings and memories with others who understand can provide comfort and a sense of belonging. Consider senior centers, spiritual communities, or grief support groups in your community or online.

Nurture Your Physical Health

Care for your physical health by being mindful about your diet, trying to get enough sleep, and continue with any necessary medical care. While motivation levels may be low, gentle physical activity like walking in nature or practicing chair yoga can help boost your mood and energy levels. Your physical well-being is closely linked to your emotional state.

Engage in Meaningful Activities

Find activities that bring you a sense of purpose and joy, even in small ways. This could be gardening, reading, baking, pursuing a hobby, volunteering, engaging in your spiritual community, creative expression, or spending time with animals or in nature.

Honor Their Memory

Sharing memories of your loved one can be a comforting way to keep their spirit alive. Look at photos, tell stories, and honor their legacy in ways that feel meaningful to you. Engaging in rituals such as lighting a candle, cooking their favorite recipe, or visiting meaningful places, can provide comfort and a way to honor the memory of the loved one.

Establish Routines

After a significant loss, establishing routines can provide a sense of structure and stability during an emotionally turbulent time.

Be Patient with Yourself

Healing takes time, be kind to yourself. There will be good moments and hard ones. Draw from existing resilience and coping mechanisms built through previous hardships and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace understanding that this process is not linear.

Embrace the Present

Grief is not about forgetting; it’s about learning to integrate loss into our new reality. It’s about honoring the memories of those we’ve lost while still finding meaning and joy in the present. This might involve adapting traditions, finding new ways to connect with memories of our loved ones, and allowing yourself to experience moments of happiness amidst the sadness.

Request Additional Support

If your grief feels overwhelming or persistent, reach out for support from a therapist specializing in grief and loss. They can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your individual needs.

Navigating grief in later life is a unique and often profound journey. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, and don’t be afraid to ask for support. Remember the strength you’ve cultivated over the years and trust in your ability to find a new equilibrium, one that honors the past while moving into the present.

References

• Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. The Macmillan Company.